How to build habits that stick, and why it’s not 21 days

Most goals aren’t one big leap. They’re lots of small things, done again and again, until they become habits. So let’s talk about how habits actually form, and what the research says helps.

Forget “21 days”

You’ve probably heard that it takes 21 days to build a habit. That idea is often traced back to a 1960 self-help book by a plastic surgeon, who noticed it took his patients at least about three weeks to get used to a change. It was never a scientific finding about habits.

When researchers at University College London actually measured it (Lally and colleagues, 2010), they asked people to pick a new daily habit, such as drinking water with lunch or going for a short run, and tracked how automatic it felt. On average it took about 66 days to reach a plateau. But the range was huge: from 18 to 254 days, depending on the person and the habit.

Two lessons:

• Be patient. If it still feels like effort after three weeks, nothing is wrong with you.
• Missing a day is fine. In the same study, missing a single opportunity didn’t really affect the process. What matters is getting back to it.

Habits run more of your life than you think

In one well-known study (Wood, Quinn and Kashy, 2002), people noted what they were doing throughout the day. Around 43% of their daily actions were done almost automatically, often in the same place, at the same time, while thinking about something else.

That’s good news. Once something becomes a habit, it costs you very little willpower.

5 things that actually help

1. Make an if-then plan

Instead of “I’ll write more”, decide exactly when and where: “If it’s 7:30 on a weekday and I’ve made coffee, then I’ll write for 20 minutes at the kitchen table.”

Psychologists call these implementation intentions. A review of 94 studies (Gollwitzer and Sheeran, 2006) found they help people follow through on their goals noticeably more often than good intentions alone.

2. Attach it to something you already do

Your existing routines are great anchors. After brushing your teeth, do ten push-ups. After your first coffee, open your project. It’s an if-then plan with a built-in trigger.

3. Make it easy to start

Lay your running clothes out the night before. Keep the guitar on a stand, not in its case. Put the app you’re trying to avoid in a folder on the last screen. Small changes to your surroundings do a lot of the work for you.

And start smaller than you think. “Run for ten minutes” beats “run 10 km” when you’re building the habit. You can grow it once it sticks.

4. Pair it with something you enjoy

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania tested this with gym-goers (Milkman, Minson and Volpp, 2014). People who could only listen to their favourite audiobooks at the gym went more often than those in the control group, at least for the first weeks. They called it temptation bundling.

Your version: your favourite podcast only on your walk, a nice coffee only while you do your admin.

5. Track it, and tell someone

Keeping track of your progress helps you reach your goals, and it helps even more when you share that progress with another person (Harkin and colleagues, 2016). A simple tick on a calendar works. A weekly message to your accountability partner works even better.

Where a partner fits in

A partner can’t build the habit for you. But they can help with the hardest parts: getting started, getting back on track after a missed day, and noticing when it’s finally become easy.

At your next check-in, try these three questions: What did I do this week? What got in the way? What’s my if-then plan for next week?

Don’t have a partner yet? Join the Pactful waitlist and we’ll find you one.